I find myself sitting on the floor surrounded by boxes, suitcases, and piles of paper/books/clothes.
And I just can’t take it anymore.
Something so simple: you open the suitcase, take the things out, and find a new home for them…. but it’s completely defeated me.
There’s not enough space and too many things and all I want to do is be able to enjoy my summer but everything just feels like a chore.
My mind seems to make even the smallest tasks the most impossible ones.
I can’t help it. I’m just so triggered today.
My parents started arguing and I glanced towards a knife lying on the kitchen worktop. Then I almost broke down in tears. I’m scared that I’m spiralling and that I’m trying to block it out and am in self denial.
I miss you, even though I doubt I would be spending time with you even if we were back at school.
I’m getting used to the idea that the next 7 weeks are basically just going to be me worrying about results. And worrying about getting a job. And basically just worrying.
The fact that I still haven’t finished unpacking, 4 days after I came home, isn’t helping. I don’t know why but it stresses me out more.
I can’t believe it either! It always seemed so far off in the distance, I never really considered that this day would ever happen. It was an absolutely amazing, nerve wracking and stressful day, but it’s all over. I go back to XXXXXXXX tomorrow; quite a few of my friends have already left; and my parents have taken all my luggage home with them this evening. Surreal is the only word I can use to describe it.
Surreal. I still can’t believe it.
Today I graduated from IB. Today I saw a lot of my friends, probably for the last time. Today I introduced my parents to friends and teachers. Today I almost cried more times than I care to mention.
Today I saw you - probably for the last time for a while, if not forever - and we barely even spoke. Today I realised that it isn’t just for the summer: you’re gone forever.
Today I plan on watching a lot of bad TV; helping my friends pack; drinking a lot; sleeping too little; and saying goodbye to the house that has been my second home for 2 years.
I wasn’t ready for today. I don’t think I’m ready now, even though it’s been and gone.
Last night was prom.
This afternoon is graduation.
My parents are going to be here.
I have to pack and send all my stuff home.
This time tomorrow I’ll be preparing to leave forever.
Wow.
I find it hard to believe that tomorrow is my last final exam.
And that in 24 hours I’ll be at prom.
And then on Wednesday I’ll graduate.
And that I go home on Thursday.
Okay now BREATHE and try not to curl up into a ball and cry…
